What is the Ideal Relationship Timeline?

How long should you wait to text back after a first date? How long should you wait to kiss someone? What about sex? There are so many milestones in early dating and throughout the first year of a relationship. It can be hard to know when it’s the “right” time to define the relationship, to move in, to take the next step.

To answer the question, “what is the ideal relationship timeline?”, we surveyed 23 members of our Matchmaking Company team who work directly with hopeful singles. Our team knows a thing or two about the role timing plays in the building of a long-term relationship. 

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Our respondents included six Dating Coaches, seven New Client Advisors, and nine Matchmakers. Many of those who responded have decades of experience helping clients find meaningful, compatible relationships. From Matchmakers, to Dating Coaches, to New Client Advisors, every perspective provides unique insight into the ideal dating timeline.

Read on to see our experts’ opinions on the ideal relationship timeline.

How long should a first date last?

The majority of our team (82.6%) agreed that the ideal length for a first date is between one and two hours. At The Matchmaking Company, we generally recommend that a first date between our clients last between one and two hours. This is a good rule of thumb for other singles, too. An hour or so gives you and your date enough time to form a full first impression of one another. There is enough time to relax into light conversation, but not typically enough time to veer into deeper topics, or to get bored.

How long after the first date should you wait to follow up?

Nearly three-fourths of our team said that it’s ideal to follow up within the first 24 hours after a first date. A smaller number of our team recommends a more prompt approach, saying you should reach out as soon as you get home from the first date. An equal number say it’s okay to wait a little longer, as long as you reach out within 48 hours.

Interestingly, our team disagrees with the myth that you need to wait at least three days before following up after a first date. No one on our team recommended waiting before you reach out. When it comes to finding a serious relationship, clear communication beats gameplaying every time.

Is it a good idea to have sex on the first date?

Our team pretty unanimously agreed that if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, having sex on the first date is not a good idea. One respondent, a dating coach, pointed out that there is always room for nuance. “It depends,” she says. “It works out for some people and not for others.”

It’s not impossible to have a happy long-term relationship after having sex on the first date. If both parties agree to approach the connection seriously, a relationship that starts out with early intimacy can blossom beautifully over time

In most cases, however, having sex too soon can complicate matters unnecessarily. Sex releases chemicals in your brain that can make you overestimate your actual compatibility and connection. The potential for an undefined situationship and subsequent heartbreak is also a reason to be cautious about sex on the first date.

How long should a second date last?

A second date should be longer than the first date, according to our team. While a first date should be an hour or two long, just over half of respondents (56.5%) said that between two and three hours is the ideal length for a second date. 

A significant portion of our team (34.8%) advocates for keeping a second date brief as well, saying that one to two hours is the right amount of time. A smaller number (8.7%) said that a second date should last longer than three hours.

Between two and three hours is a time frame that makes sense for a second date, because by this time you should be getting past first impressions. Two or three hours provides time for an activity and a conversation, allowing you to see multiple sides of your date’s personality.

When is the ideal time for a first kiss?

Our team had mixed opinions about the perfect time for a first kiss, but nearly half (47.8%) agree that the third date is the ideal time for a first kiss. Around a quarter of our team (26.1%) said the first kiss should come on the second date. The remaining 26% of our team were evenly split, with half (13%) saying the first date is the ideal time, and half (13%) saying you should wait more than three dates for a first kiss.

How long should you wait to introduce a new partner to your friends?

It’s ideal to introduce your new boyfriend or girlfriend to your friends when you’ve been dating for three to six months. That’s according to a whopping 82.6% of our Matchmaking Company team. A smaller group (13%) said to make introductions within the first three months, while an outlying portion (4.3%) said to wait for the six to nine month period.

When is the right time to define the relationship/ start dating exclusively?

If you want to avoid the emotional headache of a messy situationship, you should define the relationship three to six months after you start dating, according to matchmaking professionals on our team. When asked, 60.9% of our team said that three to six months is ideal, while 21.7% said you should wait longer, citing the six to nine month period as the right time to start dating exclusively. A small but significant number of our team (17.4%) say that you should define the relationship earlier, before the three month mark.

When it comes to what’s acceptable before defining the relationship, our team had a lot to say. Most agree (82.6%) that it’s okay for friends to meet your special someone before you’re “official,” but fewer (21.7%) agree that meeting family is okay. Interestingly, about half (56.5%) say it’s fine to bring someone you haven’t had the “DTR” talk with to a social event as a plus one.

Going on a solo trip and having sex before you’re official are viewed similarly by our team, with 73.9% and 78.3% agreeing that these are activities reserved for after the relationship is defined. Only a small number (13%) say it’s okay to pass gas in front of one another in the undefined days of your relationship. Finally, an overwhelming 95.7% of our team agree that saying ‘I love you’ and spending major holidays together are not okay when the relationship is not exclusive.

How early on can you bring a new partner as a plus one to a work/church/community event?

 Bringing someone as a plus one early into your relationship is okay, according to our team. In fact, 47.8% say you don’t even need to wait until the three month mark. The rest of our team is split almost evenly, with about a quarter of dating pros surveyed saying three to six months is the earliest you can bring someone as a plus one, and the other 25% saying it makes sense to wait until the six to nine month period.

While a work, church, or community social event does involve introducing your new boo to people in your circle, this kind of introduction is low pressure. This makes it ideal for early intros and testing the waters with acquaintances. Just be careful to only invite partners with whom you see real relationship potential; otherwise, you might have some awkward explanations in your future.

How long should you wait before taking a solo trip with a new partner?

 A solo trip together should wait until you’ve been together for three to six months, according to 69.6% of our team. Sharing hotel rooms, flight itineraries, and early mornings can all put a strain on new couples. Waiting at least a few months allows time for you to get to know each other and find a comfortable rhythm before committing to an extended period of time together.

Those who favored waiting longer were split in their opinions, with some saying six months is the minimum time you should wait before travelling together, while others say nine months is the sweet spot. Still others say that a solo trip is for committed couples only, recommending at least a year of dating before any weekend getaways.

When is it okay to talk about money?

Our team is split in their opinions on financial conversations, but the majority (30.4%) say it’s okay to discuss within the first three months of dating. While money talks might not be appropriate for the first few dates, having financial transparency early on can help create a sense of trust and understanding between well-aligned couples. 

Interestingly, the next most recommended time frame is the nine to twelve month period. This may be more favorable for couples who value things like keeping separate finances, since it allows for other aspects of your relationship to solidify before any blurring of financial lines can occur. An equal number of our team (17.4%) say that money talks should come at three and at six months. Finally, a small number of respondents (13%) said that you should wait at least a year before you discuss finances.

How long should you wait before having sex with someone you’re dating?

About one third of our team said that having sex within the first three months of dating is okay, while nearly half agreed that three to six months is the right amount of time to wait. Smaller numbers of our team said to wait more than six months and an outlying portion said that sex should wait til after the first year together. 

When to have sex with someone new is one of the most emotionally charged decisions a single can make on their dating journey. Our team agrees that, regardless of the timing, you should wait to have sex until you’re sure about how you feel. Hormones and self-sabotaging behavior are just a couple of the things that can cloud your judgement in the bedroom too early on.

When is it okay to fart in front of each other?

There is no right time frame to pass gas in front of your partner for the first time. Perhaps more than any other, this question split our team. Opinions ranged from “as soon as you feel comfortable,” to, “never ever”. About one in four said it’s okay to toot in front of each other in the first three months. Puzzlingly, an equal number of dating professionals said that you should hold it in for at least the first year. 

The question of flatulence has long divided the dating world, with many seeing it as impolite to even think about breaking wind in front of a significant other. We’ve all heard stories of women politely excusing themselves years, even decades, into marriage. However, many also see a gust from below as no big deal, so just do whatever makes you most comfortable.

When is the ideal time to say “I love you”?

You should say “I love you” within the first nine months of dating, according to our team of matchmaking professionals. Although 34.8% concede that it’s ideal to say those three little words within the first six months, just over half (52.2%) say that it’s actually the period between six and nine months of dating when this milestone should ideally happen.

Saying “I love you” to someone represents a high level of emotional commitment, so when it comes to dating, reserve those words only for times when the feeling is truly there. Professing love prematurely can lead to confusion and heartbreak whether you’re the recipient or the messenger.

When is the ideal time to meet each other’s family?

Nearly half our team said that it’s ideal to meet one another’s family in the first six months. Those who say to wait longer mostly agree that between six and nine months is ideal, while a few said that you should wait at least nine months, or even a full year. 

Interestingly, the opinions around spending family holidays together is very similar, with about half of our team saying a holiday spent together in the first six months is perfectly okay, while another 40% say to give it three months longer, waiting til the six to nine month period.

A family holiday can be a stressful occasion for a first meeting with your partner’s family, but there are many positives to consider, as well. Being around the whole family allows you to meet several people at once, and many people will feel like they’re a part of the family right away by being included in family traditions.

How long should you wait before moving in together?

Moving in with a partner is not something to take lightly, according to our experts. Nearly two-thirds of our team (60.9%) said that it’s important to wait at least a year. The rest of the team was mostly in agreement that nine months is the earliest to consider cohabitating. Perhaps unsurprisingly, everyone agreed that living with your partner before the six-month mark is a no-go.

Living together, perhaps even more than an engagement or a shared pet, combines your life with your partner’s in a way that is hard to undo, should you discover they’re not the one for you. Breakups from a cohabitating relationship usually involve things like leases and shared bills, but even in the best-case scenario, it can mean moving and repurchasing half of your furniture.

How long should you wait before getting a pet with a new partner?

Our team overwhelmingly agreed that the ideal time to get a pet should be more than a year into your relationship. Over 80% said that you should wait at least a year, and even those who said it was okay to adopt a pet together a little sooner said that nine months is the minimum time.

Getting a pet with a partner is a serious commitment. Many say that the way to understand whether you want to raise kids with a partner is to get a dog or a cat together. So, by that logic, the ideal time to get a pet with your partner is when you think you might want to have kids with them. For some folks, having children with their partner is not in the cards, whether they’ve decided to be child-free or they’ve simply passed through that part of life. If this is you, then wait to get a pet until you feel ready to commit to the next 10+ years together.  

When is the ideal time in your relationship to get engaged?

Just over half (52.2%) of our team of matchmakers and dating professionals said that the ideal time to get engaged is eighteen months to two years into your relationship. Among those who had differing opinions, some (26.1%) said 12-18 months was the ideal time, and others (17.4%) said waiting two years or more is ideal.

Getting engaged is one of the biggest decisions you can make in a relationship. When you decide to commit to marriage, it should be once you’ve had plenty of time to get to know each other. You’ve ideally seen each other through good and bad times, and you know what kind of support you’ll receive (and provide) to each other through both. 

How soon after getting engaged should you get married?

An engagement should ideally be 9-12 months long, according to 43.5% of our team. About one-third said that 6-9 months is long enough to wait, while the remaining 21.7% said that a year or more is ideal for an engagement length.

The engagement period is an important time in any relationship. It’s kind of like a pre-honeymoon period. There ideally should be time to plan the kind of wedding ceremony that you want as a couple, whether that’s an elaborate celebration with lots of guests or an intimate vow exchange at your local courthouse. Whatever wedding is right for you, your engagement period should be long enough for you to prepare both practically and emotionally for married life

What is the Ideal Relationship Timeline?

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, there is no ideal relationship timeline. Even our experts disagree on many of the milestones that intimidate singles and those newly in relationships. While there is a general order and pacing that things should follow, what matters more than any time frame is how you feel about the relationship. 

When you meet someone new, focus on maintaining comfortable boundaries. There should be a gradual pacing to intimacy, both emotional and physical. Keep a policy of open communication between you and your partner. As you get to know one another, you’ll know when it’s the right time to advance your relationship.