15 Bestselling Relationship Books Recommended by Matchmakers
In the world of matchmaking, success isn’t just about introducing two people who look good on paper. It’s about facilitating connection, emotional safety, clear communication, and the conditions that allow love to flourish, both in the first flush of romance and over the long run. That’s why we’ve compiled a “recommended reads” list: books that teach skills, boost insight, and support clients through dating, relationships, breakups, and reconciliation.
Below is a curated list of 15 bestselling relationship books frequently recommended by our matchmakers. For each, we include a brief synopsis and why our matchmaking team often points their clients to them. Think of this as your personal relational toolkit. Dive in, pick one that speaks to you, and let it guide your journey in love.
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1. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins
What it’s about: The Let Them Theory is a short, sharp guide to letting go of control in relationships and letting people show you who they are without interference, over-functioning or emotional micromanaging. Robbins’ viral “Let them” principle is about acceptance, boundaries and radical detachment from trying to change or chase others.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- It helps clients release anxious tendencies like people-pleasing or clinging to mixed signals.
- It promotes a healthier dating mindset: if someone isn’t stepping up, let them walk.
- Matchmakers find that clients who internalize this concept tend to move faster toward aligned matches and stop wasting time on emotionally unavailable partners.
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2. Love Magnet by Dr. Morgan Anderson
What it’s about: Love Magnet: Get Off the Dating Rollercoaster and Attract the Love You Deserve guides readers through self‑discovery, healing from past hurts and developing a new outlook that attracts healthier partnerships rather than repeating cycles of heartbreak.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- Many clients get stuck in loops, repeating the same negative patterns over and over. This book gives concrete strategies to break that loop.
- It’s optimistic and approachable: clients feel empowered rather than lectured.
- It aligns well with matchmakers’ philosophy: love is less about “finding” and more about becoming someone who can attract and sustain a quality relationship.
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3. Fight Right by Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD & John Gottman, PhD
What it’s about: The Gottmans are renowned for their empirical work on couple stability. Fight Right shows couples how to argue in ways that strengthen their connection instead of eroding it. It maps out healthy conflict behaviors and offers “repair strategies” to keep fights from derailing relationships.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- Every couple fights. Matchmakers want clients to enter a relationship with conflict tools, not naive expectations.
- It helps reduce breakups caused by poorly handled arguments.
- Matchmakers often recommend this book to couples in their “post-match support” phase, helping them transition from dating to deeper commitment.
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4. It’s Not You by Ramani Durvasula, PhD
What it’s about: It’s Not You: How to Survive What You Think You Deserve is a psychological guide to recognizing narcissistic traits, emotional abuse and dysfunctional dynamics, and reclaiming your self-worth and boundaries in their wake.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- Some clients have endured toxic relationships without realizing it. This book helps them name those patterns and recover.
- It helps clients avoid repeating mistakes: they can enter the matchmaking process with more clarity around what is not acceptable.
- Matchmakers sometimes use it as a “pre-match filter” ensuring clients have done enough inner work to be safe and ready for a healthy partnership.
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5. Deal Breakers by Dr. Bethany Marshall
What it’s about: In Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away, Dr. Bethany Marshall identifies red flags, both subtle and overt, that indicate a relationship may not be salvageable. The book guides readers through wise decision-making around ending romances that aren’t working.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- It helps clients spot when things are irreparably off course rather than blindly slogging onward.
- Matchmaking is about quality over quantity. Matchmakers appreciate clients who know their boundaries and will exit relationships that don’t align with their values.
- It mitigates the emotional toll, making the breakup process more informed and less chaotic.
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6. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson
What it’s about: Grounded in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Johnson’s work guides couples through seven critical conversations that foster secure emotional attachment, repair ruptures and deepen intimacy.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- It focuses on emotional bond rather than just conflict resolution, all essential in long-term relational health.
- The structure is clear and memorable; couples can revisit these seven conversations periodically.
- Many matchmakers see it as a “bridge” from courtship to depth: couples start with dating, then evolve into these deeper dialogues.
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7. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, PhD
What it’s about: While we don’t necessarily recommend discussing sexual topics in detail on a first date, Nagoski’s work can help clients understand how a “spark” is created by our attitudes and circumstances just as much as biology or chemistry. Come As You Are explores the science of sexual desire and the things that can get in the way of us feeling it. Nagoski weaves neuroscience, psychology and grounded examples to guide readers toward understanding desire as a mutual erotic connection.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- Romance and desire are core to long-term partnerships.
- Many clients feel awkward or shy discussing intimacy. This book gives them accessible language and normalizes working on intimacy.
- It helps clients understand that desire is relational and dynamic, not a fixed trait, which reduces shame and increases curiosity.
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8. Relationship Goals by Michael Todd
What it’s about: Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex is a faith-informed, motivational guide by pastor Michael Todd. He discusses vision, communication, boundaries and spiritual alignment in relationships.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- For clients with faith or spiritual inclinations, this book resonates more strongly than secular titles.
- It’s practical and high-energy, ideal for people who prefer “actionable steps” and big-picture frameworks.
- It helps clients clarify what they truly want from a relationship, not just what they fear losing.
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9. The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce by Rachel Sussman
What it’s about: The Breakup Bible is a compassionate, structured plan for processing heartbreak, regaining identity, and emerging stronger. It combines psychology, practical exercises, and stories of real women who recovered.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- Matchmaking often involves helping people recover from past hurts before guiding them forward. This book is a go-to in that recovery phase.
- It reduces the emotional “hangover” of past relationships so clients can enter new ones with clarity and emotional availability.
- Many clients feel shame or confusion post-breakup; the book gives them a roadmap out of emotional limbo.
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10. We Over Me by Khadeen & Devale Ellis
What it’s about: We Over Me: Seven Commitment Practices to Rebalance Your Relationship is a modern guide to shifting a romantic partnership from “me first” thinking to healthy interdependence. The authors, a married couple, share tools for mutual accountability, communication, and shared growth.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- For couples introduced via matchmaking, sustaining long-term harmony often hinges on mutual effort. This book gives them a common structure.
- It combats the pitfall of “me-centeredness” (where each partner pursues their individual needs exclusively) with partnership-based habits.
- Matchmakers sometimes offer this book as part of a “relationship care package” to couples in their pipeline.
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11. I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships by Michael S. Sorensen
What it’s about: I Hear You centers on the power of validation in human relationships. Sorensen offers practical phrasing techniques to show empathy, defuse conflict, and help people feel seen.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- So many relationship breakdowns stem from miscommunication. This book builds one of the foundational skills for connection.
- It’s short, digestible, and immediately actionable, great for busy clients who want a quick boost.
- Matchmakers often coach clients to practice the “I hear you” mindset right away in early dating phases, setting the tone for emotional safety.
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12. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
What it’s about: This direct, refreshingly frank guide written by a husband and wife helps readers see breakup realities more clearly. It balances tough love with humor and offers advice for healing, letting go, and re-finding self in the aftermath.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- It helps clients snap out of denial or excuses and accept a breakup with dignity.
- The tone is unflinching but hopeful, making it perfect for those stuck in limbo.
- It prepares clients emotionally to re-enter dating, rather than lingering in grief or confusion.
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13. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman & Nan Silver
What it’s about: A foundational book in marital research, this guide distills John Gottman’s decades of observational research into seven principles that strong marriages share: friendship, emotional attunement, conflict repair, shared values and more.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- It’s among the most empirically grounded books in the field, which gives clients confidence in its advice.
- Matchmakers use it for couples in deeper stages who want to root their relationship in solid habits, not just feelings.
- It helps couples shift from romance-driven optimism to relationship-driven strategies long before major troubles emerge.
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14. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
What it’s about: This provocative and insightful book by psychotherapist Esther Perel examines why eroticism often fades in long-term relationships, and how couples might reclaim desire through psychological space, novelty, and emotional depth.
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- Many long-term couples lose spark; this book gives them fresh frames to reawaken it.
- It helps clients understand the paradox of intimacy: closeness vs. mystery.
- Matchmakers sometimes encourage reading it mid-relationship, especially when couples hit a rut or stagnation.
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15. Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Connected Relationship by Terrence Real
What it’s about: Terrence Real’s book Us offers a relational therapy perspective on transformation within couples: how each partner’s inner “self” dynamics (ego, shame, defense) can be reworked into a more unified, compassionate “us.”
Why matchmakers recommend it:
- It digs into the psychological and emotional roots of recurring conflict and stuckness, beyond surface-level communication advice.
- For couples pursuing depth, it helps them approach change together rather than alone.
- Matchmakers working with serious clients often suggest this when couples feel stuck in repetitive cycles.
There you have it, 15 of the books that our matchmakers recommend to clients. Have you read anything on this list? What kinds of books would you like to see matchmakers talk about next?
Looking for more matchmaker approved reads? Take a look at our top books for relationship success.
