Live Better, Love Better: Top Books for Relationship Success
Research has shown that relationships are the single most important thing in our lives. Yet, despite its importance in our lives, the study of love—and what makes it successful—is an often ignored subject.
Topics like how to make more money, how to build your business, or how to lose weight tend to take away our attention. If thriving relationships are the main component of our happiness, why are we not spending more time learning about them?
Are you trying to improve your love life but not sure where to start? Here’s our list of must-read books to boost success in dating and relationships—with both yourself and with others.
#1. The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman
Have you ever felt that you’re doing all that you can for your partner, yet it doesn’t seem to be enough? Well, you might just not be speaking their love language. In his revolutionary book, Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of how they express and receive those love languages in life. This book teaches couples how to speak and understand their mate’s love language, and how to feel their partner’s love in return. For couples looking to boost their communication skills, this one is an absolute must.
#2. Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship Kindle Edition, Dr. Terry Orbuch
Based on a groundbreaking 25-year study of marriage, divorce, and new love—Dr. Terry Orbuch’s book makes finding lasting love easier than ever. Whether you’re divorced, separated, or just putting yourself back out there, Finding Love Again is designed to help singles break free from dating myths and prepare for a healthy and fulfilling new relationship.
#3. Models, Mark Manson
Known today as NYT Best-Seller, and the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, in a previous life, Mark Manson, was a dating coach for men. In his 2011 book, Models, Manson explains the best way to attract a worthwhile woman is not through pick-up lines and manipulative tricks—but through honesty.
#4. How to Not Die Alone, Logan Ury
Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. In How to Not Die Alone, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury shows that it’s our brain—not our luck—that often gets in the way a great relationship. Focusing on a different decision in each chapter, this best-seller incorporates insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories.
#5. Attached, Amir Levine, Rachel S.F. Heller
Attached tackles the three attachment styles—Avoidant, Anxious, and Secure—and explains how each style can successfully find and keep romantic partners. Often, readers of Attached express that for the first time in their lives, they finally understand their own thinking and behaviors. Each page contains mind-shattering information that gives context to common relationship imbalances. Attached sheds light on the negative relationship patterns that millions of people experience in their relationships. Reading this book has helped millions to finally put a name to the feelings experienced during relationships.
#6. The Course of Love, Alain de Botton
Do you have a tendency to overly-romanticize love? While it might be tempting to think that finding “The One” will solve all of life’s problems, real love often comes with its own challenges and complications. The Course of Love is a cleverly written novel that explores just that. The book examines the dynamic between one couple as they navigate the all-too-common pitfalls of unrealistic relationship expectations.
#7. Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix Ph.D.
Do you struggle to maintain relationships? Do you feel like you and your partner are often speaking different languages? To solve issues like these, Getting the Love You Want reminds readers that communication is key. Despite being marketed as a “guide for couples,” Getting the Love You Want is a beneficial read for anyone looking to improve their love life, no matter their relationship status. The book is full of practical information for couples to implement in their lives for a happier, more successful relationship. Well-written and engaging, all information is backed by case studies, research, and stories from real people.
#8. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, John Gottman
With over 50 years of marriage research under his belt, he focuses on long-term marriages and what makes them work. He also finds what common pitfalls tend to break apart even the most compatible of marriages. Sometimes when something wrong happens in a relationship, our first reaction might be: “Oh no, this is a sign that I’m in the wrong relationship.” At that point, we might subconsciously begin looking for reasons to leave—whether warranted or not. Gottman shows how just how common yet damaging it is to bet against one’s own relationship. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman reminds his readers that “I do” is very different from “I’ll try.”
#9. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, Brené Brown
New York Times Best-Selling author Brené Brown is back with yet another inspiring and engaging read with Atlas of the Heart. In her latest installment, Brown identifies eighty-seven emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human. For readers interested in doing a deep dive into feelings, this book will give you the tools and language needed to understand and communicate the complex cavities of the emotional heart.
#10. How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self, Dr. Nicole LePera
Often in dating, we forget that the most important part of any relationship starts within ourselves. Our level of self-respect and our ability to communicate is often overlooked in the dating process, despite their power to make-or-break long-lasting love. Dr. Nicole LePera’s How to Do the Work focuses on just that. Her holistic approach to self-healing is a soft, approachable, yet effective way to break from damaging habits and grow into one’s greatest potential.
#11. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Joseph Grenny
According to Grenny, there are three realms of conversation. The first and second circles, named “The Pool of Shared Meaning” and “safety,” respectively, are the ideal levels of conversation. Issues arise when our conversations breach into the surrounding third circle, which includes both Silence—withdrawing, avoiding, masking—and Violence—controlling, labeling, and attacking. These two dangerous opposites are two sides of the same, unproductive coin. Crucial Conversations examines how approaching conversations from this “third realm” will never lead to productive problem-solving or teamwork—which is a crucial skill in romantic relationships.
#12. The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman, GS Youngblood
Men and women alike will benefit from this book. An interesting take on what it means to be a masculine partner in a relationship. The book breaks the masculine partner’s role into three pillars—respond vs. react, provide structure, and create safety. Then, each pillar is broken down in an easy-to-read and in-depth analysis, explaining how they can be practiced in both life and love. Male readers will appreciate GS Youngblood’s clear writing style and guidance in understanding the famine and what they need and want from a relationship. Female readers will benefit from seeing things from their male partner’s perspective.
