What Women Want from Men: Dating Industry Experts Tell All
It’s a question men have asked since the beginning of time: When it comes to dating and relationships, what do women actually want? The world of Tinder, hookup culture, and ghosting is confusing enough as it is; luckily, our team of seasoned dating experts and professional matchmakers is here to help.
Our Team of Dating Industry Pros
At The Matchmaking Company, we know a thing or two about dating. With more than 100 industry experts on our team, there’s no one out there who knows more about what women want that we do. Many of the Matchmakers, Dating Coaches, and New Client Advisors who responded to our survey have worked with thousands of singles throughout their careers.
In fact, more than two-thirds of respondents reported at least 4 years of experience in the field. While that’s impressive, it pales in comparison to the whopping 42.3% who have more than 10 years of experience in the dating industry.
We gathered the expert opinions of our Matchmakers, Dating Coaches, and New Client Advisors. These are the professionals who guide clients through the matchmaking journey from start to finish.
Their experience gives them unique insight into women’s dating lives—what they say they want, what they really want, and what they’d rather do without.
“Women want the perfect combination of Prince Charming and a cowboy. If you can be both, you’re golden!” – Sasha, Matchmaker
The insights don’t get more professional than this, folks. We asked about everything from the biggest dating dealbreakers to women’s must-have qualities in a long-term relationship. Let’s take a look at what our experts had to say:
Your Appearance DOES Matter to Women—But it’s not Everything
Many men believe that the way they look is stopping them from finding the right woman. While it’s true that 38.5% of our experts agreed that physical appearance does factor into women’s dating decisions, it’s not the dealbreaker that many men fear. According to matchmaker Shannon, your looks may matter even less depending on your age.
“Younger women are more likely to be focused on looks and age. Older women are a little different; instead of paying attention to physical appearance, they’re looking for companionship and someone to keep up with them.” – Shannon, Matchmaker
Nearly three-fourths of our experts say that this is only somewhat important. That means that women consider other qualities just as important as a man’s looks—if not more.
“Women become less picky about body type or height or hair as they get older. As long as a man is kind, trustworthy, a good communicator, and committed, he has a chance.” – Dawn, Relationship Coach
Money Talks in the Dating Game
The most important sign that a man is ready to get serious? Financial stability. This is the number one thing women are looking for in a serious relationship, according to our expert staff. A staggering 77% of dating pros said this was a top-three factor in a woman’s decision to date a man seriously.
It seems that men are at least somewhat aware of this statistic. “Men tend to brag about what they have, thinking that’s what ladies like” Oliver, an experienced matchmaker on our team.
Is it because women are after men’s money? Actually, no. The vast majority of women who our dating experts work with have achieved their own financial stability. They know that financial freedom is essential to living a life focused on your values (shared values are another important quality women look for in a partner (20%)).
Other Qualities Women Look For While Dating
According to our survey, women also look for a man who is honest (23.1%), loyal (26.9%), affectionate (15.4%), and confident (19.2%). These traits indicate self-assuredness and strength of character, two things that can signal to a woman that you’re ready to be a good partner.
Other important qualities women look for are emotional intelligence (11.5%), emotional availability (15.4%), and a good sense of humor (11.5%).
Women Say Smoking is a Dealbreaker
While many women’s search criteria hinges on deeper compatibility, there is one superficial habit that garners more disdain than many—smoking. Nearly one-third (30.8%) of our team flagged cigarette smoking as a problem for men in the dating scene.
According to our team, women view smoking cigarettes as more of a dealbreaker than incompatible politics (3.8%), baggage from past relationships (3.8%), or neglecting intimacy (7.7%).
It’s not just smoking that women view as a red flag. Other addictive habits that give women pause are substance abuse (15.4%) and problem drinking (3.8%).
Other Qualities Women Avoid While Dating
When it came to the biggest early deal-breakers our team sees, the results weren’t surprising. Financial instability was named as the biggest turn-off (42.3%); possibly because it can be an indicator that there may be other issues afoot in a potential relationship.
“Women as they become more mature look for financial stability, but NOT someone to take care of them financially. They just want someone who can keep up with them enough to spend time traveling and doing ordinary everyday things.” – Bel, New Client Advisor
Other qualities that our team sees women avoid when looking for a long-term partner are poor hygiene/grooming (34.6%), anger issues (15.4%), controlling behavior (15.4%), and incompatible values (19.2%). Women also tend to steer clear of men who come across as dishonest (19.2%), self-centered (19.2%), or unreliable (19.2%).
“It’s a big misconception that women only go for bad boys. In reality, women value emotional security and trustworthiness.” – Cindy, Senior Matchmaker
Women Value These Things Long-Term
So, when it comes to long-term commitment, what makes women want to settle down? An overwhelming 96% of our experts agree that shared values are important to a woman’s choice of partner. That’s why knowing yours can really help your chances in the love department.
While values are important, there are other positive qualities that make women keen to stick around; the majority of our experts flagged several. Unsurprisingly, 78% agree that loyalty is extremely important to women in a long-term commitment. 70% said the same thing about trust. Respect was called out by 63%, and 52% said it’s communication that seals the deal.
Financial stability was named as a surprising top factor in women’s dating decisions. However, it may be just as surprising that our experts are split on whether it’s really make-or-break. About half say a man’s financial status is only somewhat important when it comes to a long-term relationship. I guess what they say is true—you can’t buy true love.
“Men think women are looking for the fit guy who has tons of disposable income, when in truth, a dad bod is fine, and so is a steady gig that makes him happy. And if the guy has true substance, listens to her with respect, and doesn’t try to ‘fix’ her? Even better.” – Sunny, New Client Advisor
Women Want Different Things Throughout Life
Our experts highlighted several surprising—and some not-so-surprising—generational differences in the dating world.
Younger Women
Perhaps unsurprisingly, this was the age group our experts said were most likely to place a particular emphasis on their partner’s physical appearance. Our survey also found that younger women value a man’s ambition and drive a bit more than older women seem to.
“Younger women look for strong family connections, active and fit lifestyle.” – Sunny, New Client Advisor
This may be because a younger woman will tend to be more focused on things like getting married and having children with a potential partner than women who have already lived through their early adulthood. This makes her more likely to look for a partner whose life philosophy is similar to her own.
“Younger women are more focused on values and family ideals when considering a gentleman. They’ll be more likely to ask questions with future kids in mind. Things like: Do they have or want children? Do they attend church and do they have a relationship with God?” – Sasha, Matchmaker
Women in Middle Age
Women in their forties and fifties have unique relationship needs as well. According to our experts, this is when women begin to look for more signs of long-term stability in their potential partners.
“In mid-life, a woman tends to become more concerned about spending quality time with her partner. She wants someone with free time, independence, and who isn’t going to derail any financial progress she’s made.” – Bel, New Client Advisor
Being in middle age doesn’t mean all the fun is over, however; several of our experts agreed that sexual compatibility is very important to women in this age group. And it certainly makes sense—women’s sex drive has been shown to increase as they approach mid-life.
“Women don’t want to be a nurse or a purse and most want a sexual companion as well.” – Will, New Client Advisor
Mature Women
The search for a great relationship can happen at any age, and an increasing number of mature singles are putting themselves out there, according to a study conducted by Pew Research Institute. Just like any other age group, older women have their priorities when looking for a partner.
“Older women are looking for easy going, stable, happy, and healthy men.” – Ashlee, New Client Advisor
Many mature singles have experienced at least one long-term relationship, and many have lived through divorce or the death of a spouse. That’s why, for mature women, companionship is often the most important thing.
“Women over the age of 50 tend to look more for deep bonds and partnership, trust, loyalty and consistent behavior over physical attraction.” – Holly, New Client Advisor
What Men Get Wrong About Women
When it comes to what ladies actually love, there are some common misconceptions. For one thing, men seem to be worried that women are too money-motivated. Although financial status is a non-negligible factor to women in the dating world, our experts say it’s more about finding a financial equal.
“Men seem to think that women value money over anything else, which is not the case. An independent woman is already established herself, and she’s looking for an equal, not an ATM machine.” – Ashlee, New Client Advisor
Unfortunately, men’s fears about how they’ll be evaluated don’t stop there. Our experts say that in addition to their bank account, men also worry about their height; they fear their appearance, and education won’t stack up to women’s standards.
“Too many men think that women only want someone who makes 6 figures, is 6 feet tall, and has 6 years of schooling.” – Bel, New Client Advisor
Men are clearly worried about being good providers to women, but this is another place where there are unfortunate misconceptions holding guys back. Elements of traditional dating and relationship “roles” for men and women still affect the dating game today. However, 21st century women have an updated definition of what it means to be a provider.
“A woman views a provider as so much more than a financial breadwinner. A provider is someone that can offer a safe space and provide support emotionally, mentally, and practically as well.” – Jessica, Matchmaker
This multifaceted support is critical to women in a long-term relationship. Still, men struggle to prioritize these parts of connection early on. The result is often the women they date leaving feeling unheard and emotionally ignored.
“Men feel women want someone who lives an extravagant lifestyle with expensive material possessions and they tend to brag about these things on a first date. Women like being asked questions and when a partner shows interest in things they are interested in.” – Kathrine, Senior Matchmaker
So, guys, maybe study up a little before your next date. You might have more to learn about than you think.
“The biggest misconception that men have is that they ALL believe they don’t have anything to learn about women.” – Shannon, Matchmaker
Our Expert Advice for Men
Still, it’s widely acknowledged that appearances do matter. So, how do you impress a modern woman? Will, a dating industry veteran offers some practical advice:
“Make sure you’re manicured and pedicured. Your shoes should be clean and in good shape. You should be dressed nicely. The car MUST be clean inside and out, If you have facial hair, it must be trimmed and groomed to perfection as well. Good hygiene is a must.” -Will, New Client Advisor
It’s about more than just looking nice, however. As Senior Matchmaker Megan puts it, “On a first date, women want someone who doesn’t talk about their poor past decisions, can make good financial decisions, and who takes pride in their appearance.” Pretty straightforward, right?
Beyond that, women want someone who they can spend time with, so focus on the things you share. They’ll be the basis of your early connection. When you have a solid base to build from, everything else makes more sense. As Matchmaker Jessica says, “take time to build a friendship first. Be present and listen while getting to know her.”
And when you make it past those first few dates, don’t stop treating her like she’s special. Senior Matchmaker Lindsay puts it simply. “Never stop courting your partner,” she says.
And our other experts agree; it’s as easy as A-B-C.
“I tell them ‘ABC – Always Be Courting’. You should treat your partner as if you were still dating. That means take the time to make them feel special. When you have a conversation, really listen to their thoughts and feelings.” – Ashlee, New Client Advisor
Final Thoughts: What Do Women Actually Want?
It turns out what women want isn’t all that mysterious—it’s maturity, emotional depth, and a partner they can count on. Looks may open the door, but qualities like honesty, loyalty, shared values, and emotional intelligence are what keep it open.
“Women want to feel safe, respected, loved, and they want to laugh. Just be yourself, be honest about your intent and be kind.” – Holly, New Client Advisor
Financial stability matters too—not because women need to be taken care of, but because they want someone who can share life with them on equal footing. Forget the outdated stereotypes. Today’s women want real connection with someone who’s confident, communicative, and ready to build something meaningful.
