The Quickest Way to Ruin a First Date

What’s the quickest way to ruin a first date? Being distracted. Join Genevieve Gresset, Master Certified Matchmaker/guest star of Married at First Sight UK, and Heather Drury, Certified Dating/Relationship Coach, as they discuss how being distracted is the quickest way to ruin a 1st date, and what’s the right dating etiquette to follow.

Heather: Listen up, America. We have your number one way to fail a first date. I’m Heather, and I’m joined by Genevieve. We are matchmakers/dating coaches and we cannot stress this enough. The sure fire way to ruin a first date is by being distracted. We have some staggering evidence on surveys that have been done throughout America. Distracted daters are not going to get a second date. Something like 60% of people said that if the person sitting across from them they’re meeting for the first time seemed distracted, they were not interested in seeing them again. Genevieve, what are your thoughts? What is the number one way to seem distracted on a first date?

Genevieve: Well, Heather, thank you for bringing up this topic, because I think this is one of the things that stops people going past that first date. How many people have we spoken to about a first date? People have been so disappointed because, and this is even before the days of of mobile phones, people would say they were distracted or they weren’t invested. Their mind was somewhere else. It doesn’t have to be a mobile phone. You could be just looking around wherever you are on your date, are not listening properly to the person that you’re with. I mean, if you’re having a two way conversation, it’s got to be a two way conversation. I always say to people, a date is like a game of tennis.

Genevieve: And yes, very British with me. But its like a racket sport. You need two people to get a good rhythm going. I mean, if it’s just one playing on their own, it’s not fun. So if your date is distracted, are they distracted because they’re not invested in being here? In which case, call them out on it.

Heather: Absolutely.

Genevieve: Now, I know this is controversial, but I’ve had a number of clients over the past who encountered this and have used this on a date, because sometimes they might just be nervous and not realize what they’re doing. So you always call someone else kindly. You do it with love You say, “Is today perhaps not a good day for us to have a date? You seem just a little distracted.” And when you’ve used that, sometimes they respond, “Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry.” All of a sudden they’re back in the room. They’re back and they’re invested again. Dating is all about being authentic. So even if you’re practicing that on the first date and you’re having to reset the whole date again, that’s absolutely fine.

Heather: There’s no almost no other feeling of defeat when you deal with distraction on a first date. You’re taking your precious time to meet some brand new human being that you’ve never met before, and to have somebody that’s just not making eye contact, not asking or answering questions, it can feel really, really defeating. A high level of singles that have been surveyed said just by checking your cell phone, whether it’s checking a text message, social media, a missed call is something that is seen as a negative. So if you do not need it, put it away. Put the temptation away. That is super important.

Genevieve: So important. But if you really do need to check your phone, make an excuse and go to the bathroom to check it.

Heather: There you go.

Genevieve: Don’t do it in front of your date. I think it’s really important to think of the dating spaces always as a safe space for the two of you to be invested in each other and nothing else. If it’s an hour or 2 hours, it’s not a lot of time and important. Especially if you’ve been put together by a matchmaker, a lot of work goes into introducing you. So you need to really invest your time, your energy in working out what it is that’s making someone or something want the two of you to meet.

Heather: Absolutely. We’re talking about maybe an hour of your time.

Genevieve: One to two hours maximum.

Heather: Really think of a first date as at that safe space, that sacred space just for the two of you to explore each other. So top tips, put the cell phones away, be present and engaged in a very first date. It is a huge opportunity to make a stellar first impression and first impressions, whether we like it or not, last a long time. We hope this has helped. Good luck out there on your first date. Stay present, make great on eye contact and hopefully you’ll land that second date.