How to Move On After a Toxic Relationship: A Dating Coach Explains

Ending a toxic relationship can feel like breaking free from a storm—one that leaves you drained, confused, and questioning yourself at every turn. To explore what it really takes to heal and rebuild after such an experience, I spoke with Heather Drury, the Director of Coaching at Love Life Academy. 

Heather has more than a decade of experience helping singles reconnect with themselves on their path to a loving relationship. In our conversation, she shared her insights on reclaiming your sense of self after toxicity.

“You might feel guilty for walking away,” Heather explained, “but remind yourself: staying in a toxic relationship doesn’t make you loyal, it makes you lost. Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s survival.”

Toxic relationships have a way of eroding your self-worth, trapping you in a cycle of hope, pain, and disappointment. But here’s the truth: you are stronger than you think, and walking away is the first brave step toward healing.

“The person who hurt you cannot be the one to heal you,” Heather emphasized. “Real healing comes when you step away and start rebuilding yourself on your own terms.”

Moving forward won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Let’s talk about how you can reclaim your peace and rebuild your life, with expert guidance and practical steps to help you move on with clarity and strength.

Why Are Toxic Relationships So Hard to Leave?

Even when we know a relationship is unhealthy, cutting ties can feel impossible. Heather explained that toxic relationships thrive on confusion and instability, which keeps people emotionally tethered.

“A relationship should never feel like a guessing game,” she said. “If you constantly find yourself overanalyzing their words or actions, you’re not in love—you’re in survival mode. Love should bring you peace, not anxiety.”

Here’s why these relationships are so difficult to walk away from:

• Emotional Dependency: Toxic relationships create a rollercoaster of highs and lows, keeping you hooked on the rare good moments while minimizing the bad ones. Your brain craves the dopamine rush of temporary affection.
• Manipulation & Gaslighting: A toxic partner may have rewritten reality for you, making you doubt your own feelings and judgment. When you believe you’re the problem, leaving can feel like losing your sense of identity.
• Fear of Being Alone: They may have made you believe you’re unlovable or won’t find anyone better. But as Heather reminds us: “If someone truly cared, you wouldn’t have to beg for the bare minimum. The right person will meet your needs because they genuinely want to.”
• Low Self-Esteem: Constant criticism can break down your confidence, leaving you convinced you don’t deserve better. But you do.
• The Hope for Change: You may still hope they’ll change if you just try harder. But, as Heather pointed out, “Your standards are not too high. Never shrink yourself to fit someone who refuses to grow.”

How to Get Over a Toxic Ex

Once you’ve left, the real challenge begins—healing your mind and heart. Heather offered these expert-backed tips:

• Go No Contact (or as minimal as possible):
  “Going no contact isn’t about punishing them,” Heather said. “It’s about protecting yourself. Every time you engage, you give them another chance to manipulate your emotions. Distance is the only way to break free and see the relationship clearly.”
• Feel Your Feelings Without Judgment:
  You’ll go through waves of anger, sadness, relief, and even nostalgia. Let yourself feel it all, but don’t let these emotions dictate your decisions.
• Accept That An Apology Might Never Come:
  Closure isn’t something your ex can give you—it’s something you create for yourself.
  “Closure comes from within, not from the person who hurt you,” Heather explained. 

“They may never give you the apology or explanation you crave, but that doesn’t mean you can’t move forward. Your peace is in your hands.”

• Reframe the Relationship:
  Instead of idealizing the good moments, remind yourself of the manipulation, the pain, and the exhaustion. Write down a list of all the reasons the relationship was harmful—this is your anchor when doubt creeps in.

Rediscovering Your Identity After a Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships often demand that you shrink yourself to accommodate the other person’s needs. Now is your time to reclaim who you are. Heather put it this way: “You don’t need someone else to complete you. You were whole all along.”

“A relationship should add to your life, not fill a void. The love you’re looking for starts with the way you treat yourself.”

Here’s how to start rediscovering you:

• Explore Old Passions: Reconnect with hobbies, dreams, and interests you had before the relationship.
• Try New Experiences: Growth comes from stepping outside your comfort zone—try a new class, travel somewhere new, or say yes to something you’ve never done.
• Reflect on Your Values: Who do you want to be moving forward? What kind of relationships and lifestyle do you want to build?
• Practice Self-Compassion: Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself.

Taking Care of Yourself After a Breakup

Healing isn’t just about forgetting your ex—it’s about actively choosing to love yourself again. Heather shared a vital reminder: “The love you’re looking for starts with the way you treat yourself.”

Here’s how to nurture yourself as you heal:

• Prioritize Your Mental Health: Therapy, journaling, or venting to a trusted friend can help you process emotions.
• Move Your Body: Physical activity can release stress and boost your mood.
• Set Boundaries for Future Relationships: Learn what red flags to watch for and be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate with a new partner.
• Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Spend time with people who uplift and remind you of your worth.
• Practice Self-Love: Whether it’s reading, meditating, traveling, or simply resting, do what makes you feel cared for—without guilt.

Final Thoughts

Leaving a toxic relationship is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do—but it’s also one of the most courageous. Each day you choose yourself is a step toward a healthier, happier life.

“You were whole all along,” Heather reminds. “The person you’ve been waiting for? It’s you.”

You deserve love that is kind, supportive, and safe—starting with the love you give yourself.