Heather: Well. Hello, Genevieve. How are you?
Genevieve: Heather, that’s a very good Mrs. Doubtfire impression.
Heather: That is exactly right. Oh, from my childhood. I love that movie. Well, I’ve got kind of a fun question slash letter from somebody. I snuck a peek at this before we started. So I’m just going to ask you the very first question. How important is your date’s car?
Heather: That’s that’s pretty much it. So what they continue on to say, I just was laughing at that. “So I’m wondering if my car is going to be an issue in the dating world. I have an older Jeep that I love. It runs great, but it’s getting really rusty, especially around the tailgate and rear bumper.”
Heather: “I know eventually that I have to replace it because it’s starting to look like Swiss cheese made of rust.” Oh, you’re funny. “But I’m hoping to keep it another year or two, both saving money and because I just don’t want to give it up yet. Then I was thinking about the impression I’m going to make arriving for the date.”
Heather: “Imagine me rolling up in my rusty 20 year old 4×4. I’m a woman looking to date a man. If that makes any difference. Do you pay attention to your date’s car? Is there anything about the car beyond cleanliness that’s important to you or daters?”
Genevieve: Okay. Okay. So two things. I think women are far more critical of a man’s car, than a man would be of a woman’s car. I think the man’s more interested in the woman and what she’s about. I think women are more materialistic when it comes to looking at those sorts of things. I don’t know what you think Heather. I don’t know if you agree, but everything I’ve heard over the years, women ask about cars. Men never ask us what car does a woman drive.
Heather: Well, you’re making such a good point, because I’m thinking about how we collect feedback after we put our clients on introductions. After you’ve had the introduction we’ve provided, we get the lowdown of how it went. And I will tell you that after nearly two decades of doing this, you’re right. I don’t think I’ve had a man say “I’m really concerned about the car that she drives.”
Genevieve: Three decades. I’ve never heard it, and even [asking] if she drives a car at all. It’s never actually been a topic of conversation. It has for women. Women will often comment on the man’s car or, you know, if men are in a city and they don’t have a car: “Why doesn’t he have a car?” And it’s: “Well, he’s in the city. He doesn’t need a car.” So there’s all that type of conversation that happens. But I think if you’re a woman, I wouldn’t worry about your car. In fact, he may even help you find a new car so use that, spend it as date time and go and try and find a new car together.
Heather: Yeah. And I have to say, I’m really happy that she said that she is a woman, because I think in my personal opinion, seeing a woman drive around in a big old truck or a 4×4 Jeep? It’s a head turner! Right? It’s kind of sexy, so I kind of think embrace it. If it’s something that you love and you’re proud; it sounds like you’re really proud of it and you’re thinking about what other people think instead of really allowing yourself to just love your vehicle. I feel like she’s made fun of it a little bit and played it off in the “sandwich” of: “I love my car.” And then she says: “Yeah, I know it’s like swiss cheese with rust, but I love my car.”
Genevieve: Do you know what? She’s passionate about it. It’s something that is quirky about her, right? And she needs to find a man that’s going to love her quirkiness and love the car with her and be just as sad as she is when they have to pack it off to trade it in for something else. I always say to people, love someone’s imperfections or someone’s weirdness, their quirky little ways, when once you’re comfortable with all of that and you’re not going to use it against them in any way, then that’s what we’re looking for. At the end of the day, it’s really what we’re looking for. So I’m not worried about that at all. I think it’s really rather lovely. But, you know, I’m going to twist this round.
Heather: Mmmm, please do.
Genevieve: I’m going to ask you a question. If it had been a man writing that, do you think would be giving the same answer.
Heather: That is a beautiful question. I want to say heck yes, because I think that we need to be able to love what we love and be quirky. I think that a man that is passionate about something that’s his that probably possesses a lot of history. Maybe it was the first vehicle he ever purchased with his own money, saved up for it and has a lot of memories in it. I think that we have to move into allowing people to accept. I love what you just said [Genevieve], quirks, weirdness, goofy spots. Right. Just like all of that. What do you think?
Genevieve: I think so [as well], but I know how materialistic some women can be, and I would like to use this as an example to say to women, cause change. It’s something that’s fluid, it’s not something that’s permanent in someone’s life. I would encourage if a woman is listening to this and thinking: “Oh, I wouldn’t date a man with a rusty swiss cheese car,” for want of a better word. I’d say, take a look at yourself and ask yourself the question: “Are you more interested in the materialistic side of what a relationship can bring to you than what the person can bring to you?”
Heather: Right. Right.
Genevieve: Because I think that’s always something that we discuss with clients is that side of what’s more important to you.
Heather: Right, exactly, and I love to that that it is fluid in our possessions. A man, let’s just say maybe he’s hung on to this puppy for a long, long time. Then he starts getting to know a lovely woman and, you know, his desire to make her more comfortable. I know me, I love riding on my husband’s truck with the heated seats. So maybe the man that looks at his woman and says: “I need an upgrade because I want you to be comfortable.” You know what I mean? These possessions that we have really change and evolve as we kind of combine and unite as one. So I think you’re right, Genevieve.
Genevieve: That they do, and I just want people to be reminded of that, that possessions change constantly. People’s jobs change, all of these things. I call it the “Superficial Ladder.” The more you put emphasis on things that are on a Superficial Ladder, the further you fall off it. Things change. You could be driving a Porsche or she could be driving a really big old truck. It doesn’t matter what you actually drive, it’s who you are as the person and how you put value on those possessions.
Heather: And also, you just totally put a picture in my head. Be careful of looking at the things that people drive or that superficial thing, because sometimes what people might be lacking in their life, they purchase to fulfill a certain void, and cars are a part of that. So let’s not judge people or look at something that they’ve purchased as the indication of who they are. Sometimes it’s who they want it to be.
Genevieve: It is, and that leads me on to a very, very funny story. I remember one of my girlfriends being picked up when we were in our twenties by a guy she was dating in a very flashy sports car, and he picked her up from her parents house and I happened to be there and we waved her off saying, “Have a lovely day,” And I said to her dad, “Aren’t you impressed?” He said, “I’d be more impressed if he actually owned it.” I think he worked somewhere and he’s borrowed it from a friend. He said, “It’s quite clear he doesn’t know how to drive it by the way he pulled up and pulled away.” He doesn’t know this car at all.
Heather: Yeah. Careful getting in that trap. Like you said, that ladder getting up there and up there and looking out, you know, from above like: “Oh, you had this and you have this and you’re this tall and you drive this car.” Yeah, it’s a long way to fall down that ladder.
Genevieve: I think it is a long way to fall, and you have to be careful because sometimes when people are presenting themselves with material things, I always think, what else have they got to offer? What are they hiding behind? Are they not comfortable with themselves? Are they putting these material things first? You know, that guy that she was seeing thought it would be really impressive to come and try and sweep away with borrowing a car from work. But couldn’t drive it, and her father was more concerned that they’d crash because they couldn’t drive this sports car. So be true. Be your authentic self. If you have a passion for sports cars, if you have a passion for rusty old trucks, it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter. It’s very superficial, and these things change constantly.