My Husband is Shorter Than Me
I met my husband on the soccer field. It was 2012, and I was new in town. I had just graduated from college and was happy to be exploring life as a single person in Austin, TX. I worked shifts at a grocery store during the day, and on my days off, I biked around town stopping at a park or a coffee shop to relax. This was the life I wanted in my mid-twenties, stress was low (as were my obligations and adult responsibilities) and my social life took center stage.
The day we met, I showed up late to a game of pick up soccer that I had been invited to earlier that day by a new friend. Alex, my now husband, was already there, on the field when I arrived. As he explains it, I was the “tall and beautiful” girl he quickly told his soccer buddies he had “dibs” on getting my number first. He waited until the game was over to introduce himself. Smiling and still damp with sweat, he asked for my number.
My First Impression Was His Smile, Not His Height
My first impression of Alex was his confident, sure-of-himself demeanor, and his big smile that makes the corner of his eyes wrinkle. He was easily handsome in that dark-hair-olive-skin kind of way. He was funny and good at making conversation. He was also, and still is, shorter than me.
Statistically speaking, a lot of men are shorter than me. I’m a statistically tall lady, measuring 5 feet 11 inches. The average man in the U.S. stands at 5 feet 8 inches tall according to the U.S. CDC. By the 4th grade I was taller than most of my classmates, especially the boys, and this has remained true ever since.
I guess at some point, I accepted that I would probably be taller than my significant other. Throughout my dating years, I dated several men shorter than me. Although I’ve noticed it at times, I’ve never found it to be a disqualifier. I can’t recall my shorter partners ever feeling uncomfortable about it either. At most, we may have laughed over the fact that, in heels, I was noticeably taller than my date, but it was something that stayed at that. We shrugged it off the way you do with physical traits when you develop a genuine connection with someone.
The Male-Taller Norm
It wasn’t until I started working in the dating industry that I realized how many women consider a man’s height a major factor when choosing who to date. Women commonly want a man who is over 6 feet tall, when we look at the numbers, that brings the dating pool down to less than 15 percent of men.
In diving a little deeper into why this is such a common request from women, I came across something called the “male-taller norm” phenomenon, which is driven by women preferring taller men much more than men preferring shorter women. It says, “Some studies postulate that the male-taller norm evolved in ancient times when men’s physical strength and violence determined resource allocation, mate access, and thus reproductive success.” As other outdated dating norms like interracial and same-sex relationships have become more mainstream with time, it seems this one has held strong in the minds of women.
Reflecting on my relationship with Alex, who is 2 inches shorter than me, I can’t think of any times our height difference has been an obstacle. Like many things we’ve come to accept about our relationship, our height gap is just a fact about us. Because I met Alex in person, not online, I didn’t have the chance to judge him on his profile stats. Had I been given that opportunity I wonder if his height would have made me hesitate, but I don’t think so. I’ve never been insecure about being tall, and the same for him with his stature. Perhaps we’ve been lucky to be on this side of dating unscathed by the pressures of the male-taller norm.
It’s been 12 years since that afternoon on the soccer field when I first met Alex. We’ve been married for 8 of those years, and are raising our 2 daughters together. A lot has changed for us in the years since we met, but our sources of connection have stayed constant. Namely, our love for soccer (we now cheer on our favorite English team together, Go Gunners!), getting dressed up for a fancy dinner reservation, playing each other new music, and hosting our friends for home-cooked meals. We like who we’ve become as a pair, equals in life where no one’s comparing inches.
As I finish typing this story, I answer a call from my mom, who also happens to be in a relationship with a smaller man. She reminds me of moments when his size does enter her mind, like when she’s folding his laundry, specifically his jeans that are noticeably smaller than my mother’s. She laughs, “I can’t even fit into his jeans.” But she quickly moves to how grateful she is to have him in her life, a partner who treats her with such kindness and generosity. “I can’t imagine disqualifying a person like this based on height alone. Think of what I would have missed out on.”
My Advice to Short Men and Single Women Looking for a Partner
Focus on confidence, and learn how to recognize when it comes from a genuine place. There’s something powerful about the self-assurance that often comes with age and life experience. Honestly, one of the best parts of getting older is caring less about what people think of you.
I love the “rule” that Brené Brown follows: there should only be about five people in your life whose opinions truly matter. Everyone else? Let it roll off your shoulders. It doesn’t matter what Carrie from high school thinks about your boyfriend. And it sure as hell doesn’t matter what your Aunt Lynn has to say (unless she’s on your top-five list).
This is the kind of mindset I encourage when I talk to single women—especially the ones who immediately reject shorter men. My honest take? You’re missing out.
Writing someone off because of their height is like turning down a job without knowing the salary, the benefits, or what the role even entails. It could’ve been your dream job—but you didn’t stick around long enough to find out. That kind of quick judgment doesn’t just limit you, it works against your own best interest.
And here’s the thing: attraction can absolutely surprise you. I’ve seen it happen many times. It’s also gone both ways in my own life. Like the time I spent an entire college summer crushing on a guy with piercing blue eyes—the kind of guy who made many girls blush. But after a night of dancing together, I discovered his body odor was so repulsive on a pheromonal level, I couldn’t kiss him. Talk about a plot twist.
Yes, I’m a married woman talking to singles. But I’m not here to preach or tell you to “trust me.” Dating is a personal journey. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to finding your person.
Your intuition is a superpower—I’d never tell you to ignore it. Just make sure you’re giving yourself enough information to use it. Get to know someone’s character before you decide. Stay curious. Let yourself be surprised.
And don’t say no too fast.
