Why Feedback Is So Important to Matchmakers

Lots of clients ask us why they need to give feedback to their matchmaker. They either liked their introduction or they didn’t. It’s that simple right? Actually, the importance of feedback extends far beyond what is obvious from a client’s perspective.

Why Is Matchmaking Feedback So Important?

Before you go on your first matchmaking date, all our matchmaking team knows about you is what you have shared with us. The feedback from your first date will reveal so much more about you. We’ll hear from you about your perspective of the date, and we’ll get your date’s point-of-view on what it was like to meet you.

Your matchmaker requests feedback from both you and your date after an initial meeting. This combined feedback can offer a multitude of insights for them to better understand you and your dating journey.

For instance, from your date’s feedback, your matchmaker will learn how you present yourself to other people, from an outside observer’s perspective. You’ll be able to report back the same about your date’s presentation and much more. Your feedback can also tell us how comfortable you are with the matchmaking process.

Let’s explore some of the questions our matchmakers ask, and I’ll share with you why these are so integral to your matchmaking journey.

How Long Was Your Initial Phone Call?

To give our clients the greatest chance of first-date success, we highly advise against long phone conversations before you meet for the first time. In your first phone conversation, we ask that you keep it brief—just long enough to arrange a time and place for your date and to say see you soon. Your matchmaker will want to know how well you complied with those guidelines!

Staying on the line for too long means that you are essentially having your first date over the phone. By doing this, you both run the risk of creating a mental image of each other that is miles from reality. Just by talking too much before, you can set yourself and your date up to fail.

Keeping your conversation to ten minutes or less allows you plenty of time for pleasantries. Take a moment to introduce yourself and agree on the date. Then hang up and get ready to meet your matchmaking introduction in person.

How Was Your Introduction’s Grooming, Dress, and Etiquette?

You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. With this question, we are looking for matchmaking feedback from you about your date’s presentation on your date. And just as you are judging the other person, they too will be evaluating your presentation.

It is just part of what we do as human beings. No one likes to be judged but it is a fact of life that subconsciously we make our minds up within a couple of seconds of meeting someone in terms of how we feel about them based on how they present themselves and behave.

As we know first impressions are key when it comes to dating and you might never get that second chance to leave a good impression. While a nice outfit isn’t exactly a requirement for being a good partner, it is important to remember that this is a date.

The effort you put into looking presentable is often seen as a reflection of how seriously you take this time with your date. Putting your best self forward shows that you care about your date and the outcome of your meeting.

What Green Flags Did You Notice About Your Introduction?

We love to hear the things you found positive about each other! Green flags are helpful for us to understand what is important to you in a relationship. Some examples of green flags are things like good manners, a positive attitude, and engaging communication. If your date makes you feel at ease and shows they’re genuinely interested in you, these are huge green flags.

Keeping a green flag mindset throughout your matchmaking journey will help set you up to succeed. Many singles defeat themselves by only looking for negative traits in their dates. By shifting your mind from searching for red flags to green ones, you’ll stand a better chance of having fun and getting second dates.

Our advice is to look for at least three green flags that are important to you on the first date and note them in your matchmaking feedback. This doesn’t necessarily have to mean that sparks are flying. If your date is respectful, shows they can compromise, and displays healthy boundaries, these are all worth noting.

Were There Any “Red Flags” from Your Introduction?

Sometimes people are confused about what true red flags are. Red flags are not the same as being disappointed by smaller characteristics like a wrinkled shirt or your date’s car. These things don’t necessarily reflect their character. This kind of “red flag” is worth overlooking to see if your connection is strong.

Red flags affect someone’s ability to be a good relationship partner to you. For example, being intentionally rude or disrespectful, being controlling or manipulative, or making unwanted advances. These are things we need to know about immediately so we can address them appropriately.

We want our clients to feel safe and comfortable every step of their matchmaking journey. That is why all our clients are thoroughly vetted and undergo a criminal background check before meeting anyone. However, we understand that human behavior is impossible to predict all the time.

How Long Did the Date Last?

We don’t ask this to be nosey—your matchmaker can learn a lot about your connection with an introduction by the amount of time you spent together. We want to hear if you got along so well you spent hours together. We also want to know if you wanted to turn and run within the first twenty minutes. This tells us about both of your levels of comfort with each other and the matchmaking process.

Ideally, the first date should last an hour or two. This lets you spend enough time getting to know one another to decide if you’d like a second date. By keeping your first date under a couple of hours, you can create some curiosity on both sides. This intrigue is what makes you want to get to know each other better.

Did the Conversation Stay Positive?

We love to hear about the conversations you had and more importantly how they made you both feel. Did you feel inspired, comfortable, and positive about the communication? If not, how did it leave you feeling?

Share with your matchmaker some of the conversation topics you went through during your date. Your matchmaker needs to understand how the things you talked about during the date made you feel and made the other person feel.

We want to know about this as a positive attitude is important for building trust and creating a supportive environment for your date. It helps you both feel safe to express your feelings and share experiences. This is all key to building emotional intimacy, which contributes to a strong relationship foundation.

The opposite is true as well. A negative tone to your conversation means that your date is more likely to be remembered negatively. While you won’t hit it off right away, it’s important to remain positive and give every introduction a fair chance.

Did You Set up a Second Meeting With Your Introduction?

We wholeheartedly encourage you to get a second date set up as close to the first one as possible to keep the momentum going. We strongly recommend meeting at least three times in the first month to lay the foundation for success.

We deliberately don’t tell you everything about your introduction. Part of the pleasure of meeting someone is uncovering more about them. It takes more than one date for someone to reveal their authentic self. Nerves and the pressure to make a good impression can lead to first dates being awkward or stifled. Seeing each other a few times allows you to become more familiar with each other before you make a final decision.

Giving Matchmaking Feedback When Things Don’t Go As Planned

Sometimes for reasons unbeknownst to us clients don’t go on a date with the introduction we set up. This is not only disheartening for the other client but for us as matchmakers as well. So much work goes into every introduction, so when it doesn’t work out we try to learn why.

The answer to this question is sometimes just circumstantial. Unfortunately, sometimes things just don’t go the way we hope they will. However, sometimes this question in your matchmaking feedback can help your matchmaker spot patterns in your dating habits and relationship preferences that you might not even be aware of.

Matchmaking Feedback is a Win-Win for Everyone

Learning from feedback is a valuable reason for working with a matchmaker. When people date online, getting ghosted is all too common. So are poor excuses, like “I am too busy to date” or “I don’t have time” because someone is too afraid to say they’re not interested. With matchmaking feedback, this becomes a nonissue.

Feedback teaches how you see others and how others perceive you. When discussing feedback with your matchmaker, will learn about the areas where you’re succeding, as well as anywhere you’re letting yourself down. Learning about yourself and how you come across will help you get closer to a successful relationship that is right for you.

We encourage all clients to give honest and constructive matchmaking feedback so it can help the other person to get it right next time. While we will never share feedback directly with another client, debriefing with your matchmaker about any themes they’ve noticed will help keep you on track for dating success.

It is important to remember that your matchmaker is in your corner. They are only as successful as you are, so stay open to feedback about yourself and give thoughtful feedback about your introductions. This will help both of you reach your goal: to get you in the right relationship.

Final Thoughts

Your matchmaker is skilled at creating compatible introductions, but they’re not psychic. To know how your date went, they need to hear from you. Your feedback serves as our window into your dating journey. By looking through it, your matchmaker can get a fuller picture of who you are as a relationship partner.

Giving detailed constructive feedback throughout your matchmaking journey is crucial for your success. Whether your date was a huge success, a big disaster, or just an okay time, it’s important to report back to your matchmaking team! It could be the key to finding your next long-term partner.