5 Relationship Myths Debunked

Most of us didn’t get a lesson on how to build a healthy, committed relationship. And if we did, it probably was not from an expert. We’re mostly left to figure love out on our own. Unfortunately, most of us are also harboring a few issues from our own life experiences. Without lots of patience and self-reflection, our unaddressed baggage can lead to relationship issues.

Most of us take in our dating advice from a variety of sources—many of which are not accurate or helpful in setting us up for success with a romantic partner. When it comes to navigating love, it’s difficult to tell what’s sage wisdom and what advice would be better to ignore. To make it easier, we’re breaking down five commonly believed myths about relationships.

Myth: There’s Only One Partner for You

There is perhaps no relationship myth stronger than the idea of “The One”. Millions of people spend years, even decades, waiting for the perfect partner to come into their lives, not realizing that they’re waiting on a fantasy.

There are 7 billion people in the world. What are the odds that you’ll come across the one singular person who is perfectly right for you? Why would The One be located in your city when they could just as easily be living a great life in Botswana or The Netherlands? What are you supposed to do if the one is nowhere to be found? Give up?

No. The truth is that there are no perfect partners, and there are certainly no perfect relationships. Being in love is a choice that two people make and remake every day. Instead of sharing a magical, unexplainable, perfect connection, The One is the person who chooses to share the work of maintaining a healthy relationship with you.

In every relationship, there will be something about your partner that isn’t ideal. Maybe they don’t like to watch the same things as you, so movie nights are difficult to plan. Maybe you’re a night owl and they’re tucked in by 9:30 every night. Maybe they chew louder than anyone you’ve ever met.

When you meet the one who will choose to overlook your quirks, it’s much easier to return the favor.

Myth: Couples Should Agree About Everything

Everyone has seen a couple who seems to do everything together. They’re the best of friends. Sharing hobbies comes naturally to them, and they never seem to disagree. They seem to be true twin flames, their relationship in perfect harmony at all times.

From the outside in, these couples are aspirational, but the perfection is smoke and mirrors. Just as there’s no perfect partner, there is no perfect relationship. Partners don’t want the same thing all the time, so in a healthy couple, disagreements happen.

Compromise is an essential part of every relationship. Couples who have been in love for decades stay that way because they’ve learned how to live with each other, whether in the same space or not. They’ve learned how to communicate effectively, and they do so freely.

Myth: Women Only Want to Date Tall Men

This is something we hear from the men we work with every day. It can be so discouraging to feel that your height is the thing stopping you from meeting the love of your life. Luckily, the notion that women only want to be with tall men is a total myth!

It’s true that many women see height as attractive, but when it comes to choosing a partner they have different priorities. A study of 68,000 women found that kindness and supportiveness were the most important traits to women when choosing a romantic partner.

Even in terms of physical characteristics, the study report doesn’t mention being tall as a highly desired feature. Instead, the most attractive physical traits among women surveyed were an enticing smile and nice eyes.

Myth: It Should Always Be Easy

Conflict happens in healthy relationships. There’s no avoiding it without your relationship suffering in silence. When occasional disagreements happen, it’s a sign that both partners in a relationship are comfortable communicating and sharing their feelings openly.

Still, not all conflict is created equal. There are healthy ways to express disagreements, and there are unhealthy ways. If the conflicts in your relationship involve things like belittling, name-calling, and blame-shifting, this is a serious problem. Even when you’re having disagreements, your partnership should still feel safe and supportive.

When conflict arises, approach it as a team. Your goal isn’t to beat your partner in the conversation; it’s to address the issue at hand and find a way forward together. Instead of letting your emotions control the conversation, try to use them as information. You can feel angry, hurt, or disappointed while still approaching your conflict from a place of love and partnership.

Myth: Jealousy and Fighting Are Signs of Passion

This relationship myth conflates the intensity of emotions with depth of feeling. As you know, occasional conflict in a relationship is a good sign. However, if you’re having constant arguments, this is a sign of issues to address.

While passion can certainly involve strong emotions, it’s a misconception to equate extreme emotional reactions or behaviors with genuine love and commitment. Similarly, it’s normal to feel jealous occasionally, but an overly jealous partner is not a more loving one. Jealousy is often a predictor of abusive and/or controlling behavior later in the relationship.

Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. Jealousy and fighting often stem from insecurity. Instead of enhancing passion, this will eventually erode the foundation of a relationship.

True passion looks like real emotional connection, understanding, and support for each other’s growth and well-being. Partners who remain passionately in love don’t have time for destructive behaviors. They prioritize healthy conflict and expressing their connection in positive ways.

Overcoming Relationship Myths

As much as we might sometimes wish they were, relationships aren’t fairy tales. Love isn’t perfect or smooth sailing all the time. However, when you choose to stick together through the ups and downs, you learn that the messiness of real life is beautiful. Growing together, as individuals and as a couple, is the real fairy tale.