10 Signs Your Relationship Is Toxic

At The Matchmaking Company, we’ve helped thousands of clients move past disappointing relationships and find real, lasting connections. One of the most common questions we hear is: “How do I know if my relationship is unhealthy?” The answer isn’t always dramatic. Toxicity doesn’t always show up as yelling or cheating — sometimes it’s quiet, subtle, and wears the mask of love.

But here’s the truth: a healthy relationship should bring peace, trust, and emotional safety. You should feel like you can breathe around the person you love.  If you constantly feel anxious, off-balance, or drained — that’s not just a rough patch. That’s a warning sign.

The behaviors that characterize abusive relationships can seem like they appear out of nowhere. However, experts tell us that abuse is a cycle that repeats and escalates over time. Often, there are moments early in an abusive relationship that, in hindsight, are warning signs of an unsafe situation.

 Here are 10 signs that matchmakers say could mean your relationship is toxic — and it’s time to make a change.

1. You’re Always Walking on Eggshells

If you feel like you have to constantly filter yourself to avoid upsetting your partner, that’s not caution — that’s fear. You might hold back opinions, hide emotions, or soften your language to prevent arguments. This emotional censorship chips away at your authenticity. Over time, you stop feeling like yourself. Healthy love doesn’t require shrinking. It encourages openness, even during hard conversations.

2. Criticism Is Constant, Not Constructive

All couples give each other feedback. But if your partner’s comments feel more like attacks than suggestions — if they criticize your appearance, choices, or personality regularly — that’s not helpful, it’s harmful. The worst part? You might start internalizing it. You begin to believe you’re not good enough. But here’s the truth: love builds you up. It doesn’t wear you down.

3. They Try to Control You

Control can look like concern — at first. Maybe they ask where you are constantly or tell you certain friends are “bad influences.” Over time, you might realize you’re asking permission to make everyday decisions. This behavior isn’t about love or protection — it’s about power. In healthy relationships, trust replaces the need to control. You’re allowed to make your own choices.

4. There’s No Support, Just Sabotage

Your partner should celebrate your growth, not resent it. If they dismiss your wins, guilt you for pursuing goals, or act threatened by your success, it’s not just unkind — it’s toxic. A supportive partner stands beside you, not in your way. You deserve someone who claps for you when you shine, not someone who dims your light to feel taller.

5. They Make You Question What’s Real

Gaslighting is when your partner manipulates you into doubting your thoughts or feelings. They might say things like “You’re overreacting” or “That never happened,” even when it clearly did. Over time, this erodes your confidence in your own reality. Often this is paired with love-bombing, a tactic used to overwhelm you with happiness make you forget the bad times. It’s disorienting, and it’s dangerous. A healthy partner doesn’t play mind games — they validate your experience and engage in honest conversations.

6. They Isolate You From People Who Care

Toxic partners often see your close relationships as threats. They might make you feel guilty for spending time with friends, question your loyalty, or convince you that others don’t understand your love. Before long, your world starts to shrink. Isolation is a key tactic of emotional abuse. Real love doesn’t limit you — it expands your life, not contracts it.

7. The Drama Never Ends

Arguments every now and then are normal. But if your relationship feels like a rollercoaster — constant highs and lows, breakups and makeups, yelling followed by grand apologies — that’s not passion, that’s instability. Emotional chaos is exhausting. A healthy relationship is steady, not stagnant. It gives you space to grow, not tension you have to recover from every week.

8. The Effort Is One-Sided

You plan the dates. You initiate the talks. You apologize first — every time. Sound familiar? Relationships thrive on reciprocity. If you feel like you’re constantly chasing connection while your partner coasts, that’s imbalance. You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking the wrong person. The right partner meets you halfway — not because you demand it, but because they want to.

9. They’re Emotionally Unavailable

You try to open up, and they shut down. They dodge tough conversations, dismiss your feelings, or change the subject when things get too “real.” Emotional unavailability creates distance, and no amount of patience can build a bridge alone. Vulnerability is a two-way street. If they won’t meet you there, you’re in a connection that can’t deepen — no matter how hard you try.

10. You’re Afraid to Break Up

If the thought of ending things fills you with dread, ask yourself why. Are you afraid of their reaction? Of being alone? Of starting over? Staying out of fear is a sign something’s seriously wrong. You should be in a relationship because you want to be, not because you’re trapped by fear, guilt, or uncertainty. Love should feel like a choice — not a prison.

Where to Go from Here

If you’ve read this far and some — or many — of these signs hit close to home, take a breath. That awareness isn’t a setback; it’s progress. Most people stay in toxic relationships not because they’re weak, but because they’re confused, hopeful, or afraid. The good news? You don’t have to figure everything out today. But you do need to start moving forward.

Here’s what that can look like:

• Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a therapist, a coach — someone who will listen without judgment and help you make sense of what you’re feeling.
• Start setting boundaries. Even small ones. Boundaries are your first step back toward self-respect and safety.
• Don’t rationalize red flags. If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t need more evidence. You need to believe your instincts.
• Make an exit plan if you need one. Especially if your partner is manipulative or volatile. Quiet planning is smart, not dramatic.
• Focus on healing, not just replacing. Jumping into a new relationship won’t fix the wounds of the last one. Time, support, and self-respect will.

And when you’re ready — really ready — to date again, don’t settle. You’ve seen what you don’t want. Now it’s time to find what you truly need. 

You’ve already survived the wrong relationship. Let’s help you find the right one.

Final Words from Our Matchmakers

It’s not always easy to see toxicity when you’re in the middle of it — especially if you’ve normalized it over time. But love is supposed to heal, not hurt. And once you leave a toxic relationship, the clarity and peace that follow are undeniable.

If toxic relationships are part of your past, it’s not too late to find something better. Much better. 

At The Matchmaking Company, we specialize in connecting people with emotionally mature, ready-for-commitment partners. Because your next chapter shouldn’t be about repeating the past — it should be about writing something completely different.

You don’t have to settle. You just have to decide you deserve more.

Want to talk to someone who understands what love really looks like? Schedule a confidential consultation with one of our matchmakers.